We Need Each Other
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Do you feel lonely? Do you wish someone would come up and give you a hug and tell you it’s going to be okay?
When was the last time you went up to someone and did just that?
When I was in college, I went to church and struggled with loneliness. I didn’t have any friends. No one sat by me. I rarely talked to anyone. Few people knew my name. I didn’t get asked out by any boys. No one asked me what I was studying. I would go to activities by myself and come home by myself.
Two of my best friends had come up to Utah State (Go Aggies!) with me. And I lived with my grandma and some cousins. Between these friends and my cousins, I had plenty of people to socialize with, so I mostly was fine with it. I had a great college experience! But a part of me wanted more.
Years later though, I realized what the problem was. Me.
I grew up believing I was a shy introvert (which is still somewhat true). But somehow it had never occurred to me that instead of waiting for people to approach me, I should approach THEM.
Because it turns out, the girl sitting a few seats away on the same row was sitting there wondering why no one was talking to her. The guy behind me thought that I wasn’t interested because I never talked to him.
It’s fine to be an introvert. I love it! But the Lord has asked us to feed His sheep, and that requires reaching out to others.
Sometimes, we need to reach out and help. Be the extrovert. Get out of our shells and spread the good word, by simply making friends. We need each other. And God wants us to take care of each other.
Maybe you’re an extrovert, good for you! That’s also awesome. Keep reaching out, and touch as many people as you can. They need you.
So how do you do it? Well, some of you don’t need any help figuring out that part. But, others, like myself need a plan. Here are my three strategies for breaking the ice.
Compliment something about them. Usually, you can find something you like, their hair, their shoes, their coat, etc. Tell them you admire their (fill-in-the-blank) and ask them where they got it. The conversation will take off from there.
Ask them their thoughts on the lesson/activity at hand. You have something in common, and it’s that you’re both attending the same event. Build a conversation on that commonality.
Be weird. I remember attending a party about a decade ago where I was introduced to three new women. There was an awkward silence so I dove in, and told them I had just painted my bedroom a warm buttery yellow and I loved it. I said that mostly because I was really excited about my bedroom and that’s all I could think about. But it worked amazingly well. Those women are all still friends today, and we first bonded over yellow walls.
Just this week in church I turned around to reach out to the woman behind me, and as I did, I noticed the face of the woman sitting next to her. She was hoping I was talking to her. I didn’t know how to stop the conversation I had just started or include her in it, but you know what? Next week, I’m going to sit by this other woman and get to know her.
Oh, how I wish I could go back in time and tell my nineteen-year-old self to be brave and make friends.
No matter how many friends you already have, we all need more. They need us too. It’s God’s design that we need each other.