The One Rule You Need to Get Through Hard Times
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You can’t do it all, it turns out. Or if even you could, you probably shouldn’t. There is one rule you can follow to make it through the hard times, though.
Between you, your family, your job, your hobbies and everything else, there are a lot of plates you’re juggling. I’m definitely one that likes to juggle too many. I manage, for the most part, until life hits me hard. Everyone hits hard spots. There WILL be trials.
A few months ago, we were going through some trying times. Our oldest son was facing some serious health issues, and life was a little overwhelming. At one point we asked a friend how we were supposed to get through this, and he gave us some advice I needed:
Choose Where to Fail.
The reality is, I WILL fail at something. But I will deliberately choose what that is instead of dropping my important plates.
Some plates are going to fall. They may shatter and makes a mess. But the key is to keep the important plates going, keep them from falling and breaking. To keep the treasure.
Our son needed surgery. Probably at least a week in the hospital, with another 6-8 weeks (at least!) of home recovery.
So while we planned for intensive surgery, we also created a plan for where we were going to succeed, and where we would fail.
So how do you choose what to fail at?
Prioritize Your Priorities
You probably have some idea of what the important things in your life are. Priorities aren’t anything new. But when that BIG trial hits you, even some of your priorities may take a hit. So figure out what CANNOT fail, or what you will NOT LET fail. And separate those from the priorities that can wait.
To an extent, we do this every week: we “survive” the school/work week and then on the weekend we catch up on laundry, cleaning, sleeping, or whatever got ignored Monday-Friday. Life has
Temporarily Modify Your Goals
Everyone wants to be more fit and frugal, or whatever
And, consider whether finances has to be a priority. Don’t get me wrong. I’m an accountant. I absolutely think you should avoid debt, live within your means, save for a rainy day, and never, ever run up your credit cards. This is not permission to do that. But sometimes, in the middle of a crisis, it’s okay to worry less about the budget. A friend gave us some good advice: pay the mortgage first because the hospital will work with you. Do what you can now to save and prepare for the future so that in a crisis, it’s okay to live on takeout and not worry about your spending being a little high.
Same for nutrition. Be healthy, eat right, exercise, get in shape. But in a crisis, it’s okay if you drive through McDonald’s just to get some food in your schedule before you hit the
Press Pause
Just because something doesn’t make the current priority list doesn’t mean that you must give up a dream. Press pause, not stop. You can still get the education, have kids, become an artist, start that business or whatever dream you have later when the crisis is averted.
I’m a huge crafter. Aspiring Artist. Lifelong learner. But when we moved shortly after having our first child, I realized that some of my hobbies needed to be paused. I want to learn to paint, but I don’t have enough time for oils right now. I kept the watercolors, as they dry fast and kid-friendly. I could paint with my children, or the occasional mom-only session and feed my painting hunger. But oils and acrylics were waiting for another season. And since paints don’t age well, I gave a bunch of supplies away. Someday, when I’m missing my grown children, I’ll go pick out new paints and set up a studio in their old bedrooms and feed my inner painter a different way.
Life won’t always be a crisis. (Or at least it shouldn’t be…) Crisis or not, life comes with busier and calmer ebbs and flows. Keep your dreams, fan the flames occasionally to keep the embers going while you concentrate on surviving for a moment.
Choose Self-Care
In choosing your priorities and pressing pause, make sure you take care of yourself. General hygiene, sleep, and nutrition
I’m not saying you need to make sure you get a pedicure every week. Or maybe I am. If giving yourself one hour each week to get your nails done keeps you sane, then maybe you SHOULD consider that a priority. Or maybe 15 minutes per day of meditation time is a better alternative. It’s a personal choice. But besides eating, sleeping, and showering, you need to feed your soul a bit, take care of your emotional and spiritual being.
Automate
The world we live in today has some many gadgets and gizmos. Use them. If you haven’t already, put all your bills on auto-pay. Set-up some healthy favorite meals as favorites in your favorite (or most convenient) restaurant app so they’re ready for pick up as you are driving by. Hire someone to cut your grass for the summer, or shovel your walks for the winter. Maybe even take a page from Mark Zuckerburg’s book and have a uniform so you don’t have to think about what to wear.
Automate whatever you can to leave yourself all the time you can for the things you won’t or can’t fail at and need your personal attention.
Learn to Say No and Set Boundaries
You might need to say no to some things. That’s okay. Either those things aren’t important, or they can wait.
Sometimes the crisis in our lives is obvious and people know not to ask you for things for a while. But other times, people don’t know you’re in a crisis and keep asking you for things. You don’t have to tell everyone what’s going on, but you do need to learn to say no.
Ask for Help
I suck at asking for help. Need help? I’m there. But it’s hard to ask.
Sometimes though, you don’t have a choice. Ask for help instead of failing some important priorities.
Find that person you trust and ask them first for help. And the help you ask them for? Asking for more help. Your trusted friend has no qualms about organizing an army to help you. Let them. Let them rally your friends, your neighbors, your pastor, your school, your community, whomever. We’re not in this life alone. Let everyone help you.
Pray
Don’t forget to ask for help from your biggest helper and advocate, God. And to thank Him for His continued help too. He is there for you. He will help you through your trials, your hard times, your downs (and your ups too!)